Sunday, October 14, 2023 - Ben & Bella

 This sermon was preached for Ben and Bella's wedding on Sunday, October 14, 2023 at St. Mark's Episcopal Church, East Longmeadow, MA. The texts for this sermon were: 1 Corinthians 13 and John 15: 7-21. 

The first time Bella and Ben came into my office to prepare for the wedding I gave them some homework. I asked you to work together to find a central metaphor for what marriage means to you. And the next meeting you two came in and smiled sort of sheepishly at each other and said, “Well, we came up with grass.” 

Just…grass. 

And as we worked together to prepare for this day and as I had the privilege of getting to know Ben and Bella better and better, I began to see just how appropriate and beautiful a metaphor that really was. They made it clear to me that they didn’t want anything flashy for their ceremony, didn’t need anything unique - just what’s traditional, tried and true. For Bella and Ben, grass represents the ordinary and sustaining love they strive for and live out. Nothing special or arrogant or boastful. Above all, they’re two people who truly understand that the grass is greener where you water it. 

You knew this right from the beginning of your relationship when you two dated for months in two different states - driving to see each other week in and week out. When Ben took on a four hour daily commute twice a week, just to be closer to Bella. When you lasted through 40 days of COVID separation.

You’ve learned how to participate in each other’s passions: Ben, you adopted Bella’s dog, Torre, and went full on dog-dad. According to Bella’s friends, Ben gamely contributes to girly conversations, and proudly identifies as a Swiftie. Bella, you have, clearly, immersed yourself in Ben’s love for all things lawn-care-related and accompany Ben to beer festivals even though you don’t actually drink it, learned how to be part of a giant extended family. Most of all, your parents, friends, and family have seen you grow in your ability to compromise, to give and take and be patient with one another. I’ve seen it, too, as you listen carefully to each other, share your feelings, set goals.

And the steadfastness you put into love isn’t just reserved for each other. You’ve become part of each other’s families, too - the brothers and sisters and friends that are as good as siblings. When Ben was first about to meet Bella’s dear friend and maid of honor, Mary, he texted Bella to ask if it was okay he was wearing crappy clothes. And why was he in grungy stuff? Ben was planning to do yard work for Bella’s mom that day because her dad was sick. Caring about making a good impression with the people who mattered most to Bella and stepping up to care for her parents in their time of need - that’s when Mary knew Ben was the one for Bella. 

And Bella, I’ve appreciated how you’ve taught Ben what it means to create the church you want to see. In addition to roping him in as Adam to your Eve and Joseph to your Mary, Ben started mowing our parish’s grounds this year - quite meticulously I might add. And Bella, for her part, has been heading up our children’s ministry, giving back to this community’s children what she herself received here at St. Mark’s. 

You know, most of the scriptural references for grass I’ve found mainly focus on how temporary individual leaves of grass are. “Like the grass they soon wither” is a famous psalm that comes to mind. But a lawn? A lawn goes through seasons. It persists, if you know how to tend to it, through the heat of the summer, the cold of the winter, the leaves in the fall. Through all that, lawns are great places for people to gather - and the best natural surface for children to play. Fruit that lasts. Love that is meant to be shared. 

You already know how to care for one another. You’ve already weathered difficult seasons - some things some marriages don’t overcome until much later: long distance, a global pandemic, buying a house in the craziest housing market ever, surgeries, even death. Through it all your love has found a way. 

Here’s the thing, Ben and Bella, what we are here to celebrate today, what all these people love about your ordinary, everyday love is that its consistency, its perseverance, makes it extraordinary.

We have gathered here today to support these vows you are taking but also to thank you for what your extraordinary love has already created: a home, a family, a community - a lawn. Our prayer today is that you continue to grow in love, that you continue to have faith in one another and in God. We pray for joy, for comfort, for mutual appreciation, and many adventures to come. But most of all, we pray that together you may water and tend to your abiding love in all that may come.